Feeling positive

I have recently turned a corner. I quit drinking for 25 days ( it was supposed to be 100) but since falling off the wagon have been much more in control – drinking mindfully and with purpose. However, last night I had a lot. Not enough to make me sick but enough to suffer today. I also smoked lots of fags. Today I feel I’ll. Got a cold, aching all over, slept for a lot but also had time to plan. My phase 3!.

I have set myself a list of liver cleansing food to have every day of week.

– Green tea with breakfast

– Water with lime to take to work

– Salad for lunch including at least 1 of broccoli, carrot, avocado, olive oil

– Apples

– Spinach

– Garlic

– 5 a day

I like all of these things. Its just a case of being organised and throwing myself into it!

Other elements are exercise:

– 10 minutes daily stretching

– 30 minutes activity daily (walking, swimming, aerobics, Zumba)

Also rest

– Get 7 – 8 hours at least 5 times per week

– 10 minutes meditation

Drink

– 2 litres of water

– plan for AF 5 days per week

– when drinking limit to maximum 4 – 5 units

No Smoking

I can do this. As George of Soberistas said in his Webinar ” immerse yourself. Take action!”. These are my ‘ success ¬†indicators ‘. They are like a tick list which I need to tick off every day and then measure the success. How to measure that? How do I feel? So as part of this new regime, instead of balcony time, I will have ‘ WordPress time!’ Look at my well being plan and monitor how I do. So there it is. Phase 3. Brave and bold… And manageable.

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Mindfulness

So non reactionary approaches to life lead to fulfillment and happiness. I like this idea. To not crave or abhor. Just to accept. This is the moment. Let’s live in the moment!

Determined

We are moving in 12 days time. Abroad. Across the world. It is a challenge for all of us and a chance for us to have an adventure. I have lots to do and I am not going to drink. 12 days to go….

 

Sigh….

I just sit here and sigh. I am here again.. Feeling useless about my drinking, health, liver. Spent the whole day tired after drinking nearly 2 bottles of wine under the pretence that it was ok as it was my birthday. Really? I fell for it myself? Why do I kid myself like that? I dont know what is the best appproach for me. Can I cut down? Have I really tried before. I mean in the past 6 years or so. Honestly, probably not. I have managed dry January twice, but really not enjoyed it or felt any sense of ‘yey’ clever me. Is the idea of pretending to give up actually helping me to fail drinking sensibly. I mean howw many ‘ last binges ‘ or ‘this is it’ moments can you have before realising you are a total fraud? Even this blog is inconsistent.

I should give up giving up and going round and round in circles. I am getting no where.

On the edge

Its day 3 and I definitely feel on the edge. My husband has gone out in what I presume is a bit of a strop and now the kids are in bed. It is the end of the long weekend and back to normal beakons. There is half a bottle of vodka in the cupboard which is repeatedly calling to me. I want to ignore it, but equally, I want to give in to it.

Brick wall

I am once again on the path of despair. The last 2 weeks have been terrible – really destructive drinking when you know you are on the on the road to a really bad liver. I want to stop but don’t feel I have the strength to do it. Even I don’t want to stop really. I want to be in control. However I am not. What should I do? I don’t feel able to do it on my own.

Heading back up

So, I kind of managed dry January (is it possible to kind of manage it??). What I mean is that I didn’t drink for about 27 days from the month. I realise now that that is probably ‘normal’ drinking and is something to aim for. After a good 3 weeks of over drinking and a fast nose dive into the depths of high risk drinking once again, I have decided to once again to go cold turkey. I did decide this yesteday, but failed dismally hence restarting the blog. Why the restart? I know how bad this is for me …. ¬†And it makes me feel guilty. So I need to get it under control. Which is what I will do. I have a 4 week 4 day block of work now which will be exhausting and needing rhe best of me. I have my children and husband who also need the best of me. When I drink too much they do not get this. They deserve the best. But more importantly, I deserve the best. I am making such positive moves in other areas of my life and this would be the cherry on the cake. Have more low risk weeks than not. Here goes. Wish me luck.